I may break down, but I will get back up

Before I begin, I want to thank everyone who is following our adoption process and reading our blog posts!  I am trying to pull a direction for the entry below, but I will be honest I am an emotional mess and the past month has been such a rollercoaster.

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings as we have really gotten into this adoption process. I have always tried to be positive and optimistic in life and especially through this journey of adoption. I know in my heart why Justin and I have chosen adoption and feel an overwhelming sense of joy knowing this is what is right for us.

I know there are other people that might wonder why we chose adoption. Some may even assume we have chosen adoption as a "last resort". That statement was even painful to type because it is not the least bit true. We have chosen adoption because we want to, not because we have to. The more educated I have become on adoption the more I feel how amazing of a choice this has been to make.

This is the biggest event so far in our lives. It has required more deep thought and planning then anything we have ever taken on. Sometimes I wish people knew what it was really like going through this process because it has changed me so much as a person already. And I know some of you know this, those of you who have gone through adoption or know others who have. 

Here is the thing. Justin and I are both strong willed people. We have been through a lot in our lives. And even though we are preparing and planning as much as humanly possible we really truly need our friends and family now more than ever. (you all have already been so great!) I know for me, an ear to listen goes a long way.

Adoption is a LONG process. You often spend more time stuck in the middle of two huge steps then you do moving along quickly to each one. We know it will be awhile before we are on the list for prospective parents to see us. But during that time, there is so much to be done my mind is having trouble processing it all. 

My usual planned, organized, driven and optimistic self has completely broken down in overwhelming worry. I mean, I am not even sure how I managed to teach all my classes this morning my eyes were so sore from my the tears of my emotional break down last night. Yes, I am just being real here, after all we are always going to be transparent in our posts.

We are currently sitting between training and the home study right now and I have never been more scared for anything. Ever. My heart is so unbelievably committed to brining home a precious child to raise and to be a mother. When I think of that I am beaming with joy but soon after comes guilt. 

I feel guilt now for every fun or unnecessary expense we have ever made. I feel guilty for using credit cards to survive in college and up until just recently, after college. Although we are doing just fine now that I am working another job and able to pay off more than we ever have before....I still feel guilty. Because when it comes down to it, if we cannot obtain a loan for the adoption-- there is no hope. I have tried so hard to be positive and think, things will work out the way they were meant to be and it will happen if we just keep working hard enough. There comes a point though when you can only do so much. You can only work so many extra hours and sell so many extra things around the house. Save when you can and spend when you need to. But what if that isn't enough. This thought is always on my mind. Always. 

On top of that, as we have mentioned before,  we have some necessary home repairs that we need to make before have a safety audit and home study. We want to make sure everything is just right in our home so when it comes time for the home study to begin, we won't have to worry so much about what our home looks like but how we answer the critically important interview questions that follow. But with that comes needs, we need to buy supplies, we need to buy some (what wouldn't be a problem if we weren't trying to save) semi- expensive tools, and we need some man power. I'd like to think of myself as a pretty resourceful person, but I am only capable of doing so much! I will say, we laid sheet vinyl in one of our bedrooms on Saturday-- super proud of that!

Stress and emotions are running high. I want to say "but I know we will get through it" however I currently do not know that. What I do know is that everyones love and support means more to us now than ever so, THANK YOU!

I appreciate you taking the time to read this and continue to follow our adoption process!

An emotional trip down memory lane

Becoming a father is, in my opinion, the most significant and dutiful responsibility a man could ever take in his lifetime. Sure, I have many important responsibilities in my life - husband, homeowner, employee, etc., but fatherhood easily would top them all. To me, it does not matter whether a child is adopted or not; what matters is that I do an excellent job of raising and providing for my child. 

For inspiration, I viewed "Won't You Be My Neighbor," which is the new documentary highlighting one of my favorite children's shows "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood." I certainly expected there to be some nostalgic moments (and there was plenty of nostalgia), but there were a few unexpected scenes in the documentary that have been stuck in my head all week.

One scene, in particular, had me, Jenna and everyone else in the theater in tears. 

Did you bawl too?

While driving today, I told Jenna how much this scene affected me. I thought about how every child at some point in their life has the same feelings of insecurity as Daniel. Jenna then responded that even as an adult, she sometimes has some of the same insecure feelings as Daniel.

As parents, could Jenna and I handle responding to our child's insecurities the same way Lady Aberlin responded to Daniel. Doing so requires a lot of thought and care.

When you watch the full documentary - I encourage all of you to do so - you realize that a lot of thought, care and research went into Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

One thing I never realized about Fred Rogers was that he emersed himself into the world of childhood development. There was a lot a research that went into what seemed like random moments on the show.

Thankfully Jenna has a background in early childhood development and was even familiar with some of the same researchers Fred Rogers worked with in crafting his program. I, on the other hand, do not have a background in early childhood education.

This is why I am so glad to have Jenna along for this journey. I know that she will approach motherhood with so much care and love, along with knowledge.

I also realized that I have some homework to do. I truly need to go back to my kindergarten days, and rewatch Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

More Adoption News!

We have been anticipating receiving more information on our next step in the adoption process after applying last week. Yesterday we were given an official invitation to come to our agency's adoption training day August 11th!

There of course are many things that must be completed before we come to training. We have to send in all necessary forms of identification including birth certificates as well as pass a child abuse clearance check. The agency requires the training fee $50 (that seems so cheap now!) and the home study fee of $1500 before August 3rd. With all of our monetary support we are able to make this happen! We opened a special checking account just for the adoption and get  $300 for a new account- which is so helpful for us!

Before I continue I just have to say: These past few weeks have been so informative and eye opening to us. We both knew some about adoption but it is truly amazing the steps and requirements prospective parents have to take to prove they are legally, mentally, and emotionally ready to take on parenting a child. It is costly and time consuming but ultimately what needs to be done. There is no looking back- we are in this 110%!

Before attending our all day training, we have to complete an online course. Prior to yesterday we didn't really know what exactly this entailed. First there is the main course for adopting domestically that is comprised of 8 classes at $129 and an additional class specific to our agency at $30. The classes total 15 credit hours and have a quiz at the end of each unit.

Here is a look at the courses we have to take:

We completed the first one today and plan to do at least one each day until we are done. It is heavy material as Justin said to me after we finished our class today. It really is! Being a teacher- a lot of the information we went over today was familiar to the child development classes I took in college.

It is a bit overwhelming but we are ready to complete it so we can move on to the in person training! On the 11th we will get to hear from a birth mother that used our agency for adoption. I keep thinking of the courage it takes for a mother to choose adoption and already praise her for sharing her experience to future adoptive parents!

We will keep you updated as we continue this journey. It is a learning experience for us and we hope to educate our family and friends along the way! Each day I wake up thinking I can't wait to #bringbabyboggshome!

"Family is not identified by our genes... it is built and maintained through love." 

Let's be transparent... financing adoptions stinks!

Before we take a deep dive into me and my wife's finances, we received word from the social worker this week that our adoption application was received, and we will soon be getting an invitation to an adoption training.

To those who contributed to our Go Fund Me or purchased a t-shirt, a big thank you as those funds will cover a decent percentage of our training and home study fees, which will be due next month. If you are interested in helping in our adoption fund, please click one of the above links. The Go Fund Me will continue indefinitely, but we only have one more week of t-shirt sales (the company prints the shirts in batches).

Let's get down to brass tacks 

Being in the media, I am a firm believer in transparency. While being a web editor does not mean I am on the front lines of investigative journalism, I support those who are on the front lines, allowing them to showcase their work. 

Because so many people have offered their support, both financially and emotionally, Jenna and I wanted to be as transparent as possible to everyone on how we plan to pay for our adoption. 

As mentioned in previous posts, the total cost of an adoption is roughly $30,000. Even if we continue to receive support through our fundraising efforts, we knew from the get-go that adopting would require a loan. 

When paying to adoption, payments come in increments. It is sort of a pay-as-you-go situation. Our initial up-front fees are roughly $2,000 (which include the already paid for the adoption fee and the aforementioned training and home study costs). After that, it costs nearly $10,000 for the listing and $13,500 in for a match with birthparents. In addition there are medical costs and finalization fees that are an estimated $5,000 but varies by each individual adoption. 

Rather than waiting until later this year or early next year to obtain a loan, we decided to apply for a loan now and put the money into a newly-created bank account until we were ready. 

Que the sad trombone sound. 

The banks said no. Student loans, credit cards that we ran up as students and several years of just trying to keep our heads above water made our credit score worse than what we thought. This was the first year in our lives that we haven't needed credit cards to ensure we had groceries. More on that below.

But for a brief moment, we thought we'll never be able to adopt. We'll never be parents. Woe is us. This is when the emotional support became valuable. 

Jenna and I have recently joined several adoption groups on Facebook, and many people said the same thing: "Don't let finances stop you in the adoption process."

So not giving up, Jenna talked to a debt consolidator and explained our situation. We were then able to consolidate all of our credit cards (except for one that we're keeping for emergencies) into one, relatively low and reasonable monthly payment at a low-interest rate. By doing this, it decreases our debt-to-income ratio, reduces our overall amount of debt, which should cause our credit score to go up enough for us to be eligible for a massive adoption loan within six to nine months. 

Glad we didn't give up.

Jenna's side job will ultimately make this adoption possible

As I type up this blog, Jenna is in what was our dining room teaching English to a 5-year-old boy in China. Late in 2017, she signed up to be a teacher for VIPKID. For the first few months, things started out slow. 

In recent months, she will teach up to 30 lessons a week, which last for 25 minutes each. 

This also means our dining room now is a virtual worldwide classroom. Technology is awesome!

Working for VIPKID has also given us what acts as an extra paycheck a month that we can use to pay off our massive student debt load, credit cards and save for adoption expenses. 

As a husband, I am really appreciative of the effort Jenna puts forth. The summer is typically a time for teachers to relax. But as she starts putting together her plans for the upcoming school year for her American first graders, she continues to earn money, which is ultimately going to make this adoption possible. 

The application is in!

Training is next

Justin posting here for the first time! Monday was our first major step in the adoption process. We sent in our application and application fee to the adoption agency. The actual application is rather general and feels like filling out an application for employment. We just had to inform our references to know that the adoption agency will be contacting them soon regarding our application. 

We felt comfortable doing this after speaking to a social worker last week who laid out the timeline. Within five days of the adoption agency receiving our application, we will (hopefully) receive approval to move forward with training. 

We will then have to complete some online training before attending an in-person, all-day training in Columbus on Aug. 11. The in-person training will allow us to meet the staff of the adoption agency, and learn more about the home study process. 

The social worker also answered a number of our most pressing concerns about the application and home study process.

Support from others

A big reason I agreed with Jenna that adoption was for us was that I had family and a close friend who were adopted as children. I certainly realized the need for parents to adopt and thought Jenna and I would make for great parents. 

But after announcing our intentions last week, so many people reached out to share their advice and expertise in adoption. Knowing so many friends that have gone through this process has helped reassure me this was the right decision.

On Friday, Jenna and I made a brief visit up to Columbus to see my friend Josh, who was a co-worker of mine at COSI. Last year, he adopted a newborn from the Cincinnati area. 

While his adoption process had its ups and downs, it worked out for him and his wife in the end. 

Being able to count on moral support from so many people has been such a blessing, and you would not know how much Jenna and I appreciate everyone's help.

In the meantime...

Jenna and I are getting our house prepared for a home study and to give a child a home. On Sunday, we painted the walls and stained the floors in one of our bedrooms. 

If you didn't already know, our home will turn 100 years old next year. For being nearly a century old, it is in relatively good shape, but there are a number of minor improvements we feel we need to make over the coming weeks and months to make this place perfect for a baby. 

The good news is most of those changes are cosmetic (things like paint and carpeting), so we hope we can complete these tasks in the coming months.